Officer Training Camp 2009

It is a camp that I fear,
it is a camp that I know that it won't be easy,
i'm going back to be trainee again,
it's just not a good feeling,
and as usual i get very very nervous.
But I learn a lot a lot from the camp,
a camp with great purpose i must say.

Before I got myself prepared to be standing on the parade square in greenview with all my other course mates, I asked myself again, why am i here? I know it is for me to improve myself. In my opinion, I always feel that I am just not good enough. When I first got double promoted from PTE to CPL, I was really happy but but then again it might not be a good feeling. Being the only one in the squad to receive that, it may show that you are good, but then there is just so much more responsibility that comes tgt with the rank. My squad isn't really enjoying their days in sjab, to the extent that we became a very problematic squad. People starts to skip activities, slack, and complain. From then on, I know my path as a CPL won't be easy, I'll be doing things on my own most of the time. Being chosen into training department is just another shocking thing that have happened to me. I never would have thought that a person like me is in training, it's just so not me. I told myself, it's okay, it's time for me to learn, it's time to improve, it's time to grow up. Then during my last year in sjab, as a sec 4, another shocking thing happen. I got double promoted again from SGT to CL! I'm like the second person in xinmin sjab history to receive two double promotion. It is something to be very happy about but yet it is not really the case for me. Of course, it feels great to know that people are appreciating your effort in sjab, but I feel that I'm just not up to it. I'm just not capable enough to be holding that rank. There are more capable ppl who did not receive this, why should someone like me have it? That's when I finally decided to come to OTC. I want to learn, I want to improve, I want to be a leader, I want to help my cadets, I want to be someone that they will respect. I came to the course, back as a trainee. FEAR. That's how i felt. But I have my cadets in my mind, they are my motivation, they are telling me not to stop, not to give up, endure through, persevere, push yourself through! And finally, I stood on the parade square of greenview. Officially book in into OTC camp 2009!

Our journey begins . . . . . .

DAY 1
The more significant event of the short day was the 2.4km run. I had already anticipated that we will be doing a 2.4km run in the camp, but never would I have expect the run to be with so much meaning in it. Every one was to set a goal that they want to achieve. I ran 10min 17 sec in my previous 2.4km run and this time I challenged myself to break 10 mins, that is to get 9.59 and below. I thought it was impossible at the start, but after I completed the race, I got a surprise when the timing reads 9.46. I was rather relaxed and could even have time to ask the others to push on. Then the next moment, it's another 2.4km. But with more meaning. The first run represents your cadet/nco days, from sec 1 to sec4, it is usually easier, more relaxing. But the second run represents the second phase of our sjab life, it is usally harder, more tiring, when we starts to slack a bit, and this is when self-discipline is needed. I suddenly thought of something that someone once told me, the things that we do have no meanining ... unless WE put a meaning to it. That is true. We decide on how meaningful something is. And this time, I decided to put my very very best in the second round, push myself to the limit and I know I did improve. I'm a person who always like to reflect on things on my own, and the run made me think a lot.

The journey is a difficult one. We started off as a group, but as we continue, ppl starts to slow down, and sometimes you find yourself alone. You have to push yourself, you have to motivate yourself to move on. This reminds me of my corps, or even the zone. You can see ppl saying that they can't take it, they have their own life and one by one they leave. Sometimes, you are on your own. Then on the way, you see ppl becoming tired, preparing to stop and give up, I tell myself they are just like my cadets or even ncos, tired of continuing the job. This is when they need someone, someone who can push them on. I ran past some of them, pushing them on, asking them to endure. This is a role of a leader I guess, to push your ppl to persevere through. A great run, a great journey that I know I'm embarking on.

Watch a video later on. Facing the Giant. I've watched it before in school. I find the show very very meaningful. Sometimes we have in mind a goal for ourselves, we have in mind what we believe is our potential, we thought that is our standard, but it is not. It is not. We can achieve much more much much more. There is no limit to what we can achieve, we'll just push ourselves to the limit. When he can see, he already set his eyes on what he believe he can achieve. With the blindfold, he can then push his limits, of course with the help of the instructor. To me in this course, in this run, I have blindfolded and push my limits. Now, I want to be the instructor. I want to blindfold them to push them. I want them to know what they can achieve.

After that, it is time for triage as expected. Being the casualty, I tried to observe others performance. I suddenly thought of me being the triage IC in ITC. It was a terrible job. I hope to learn more in the camp but unfortunately I was the casualty throughout.

At night, while everyone is sleeping, night duty awaits me. Wahahaha. 7 rounds around school perimeter.

DAY 2
Didnt sleep much and it's fall in time!
Had a run again to pasir ris park. Did some reflection over there. Recited the officer creed many many times but still not up to standard. Maybe we haven really understand its meaning well enough, maybe we are not saying it from our heart. Back to school and we got punished. When your cadets done sth wrong, you, as the instructor should be responsible.

The important activity of the day is the ULTIMATE CHALLENGE. It is about endurance as a course. When you believe you can do it, you can. At first before I begin, I thought that my group can't do it. One injured, two small girls, one guy with back injury. But still we endured through. We shared the 150 push ups. I climbed the rope twice, as we have an injured person. I cut my fingers in the process but there is just no time to care. Transporting casualty on stretcher through the obstacles to the next station. 100 push ups again. Everyone is tired, so I started to do 30 first while letting them rest. Next is 30 pull ups. While the girls are assisting each other, I forced my tired arms to do 7 first and rest and 3 more. Then I realised I can find someone to assist me, so I got tim to help me. After that was shuttle run, I ran the first and the last, to help cover up for the injured person. Then it was piggy back time. I was tired and was alr lying on the ground but still, I pick myself up to endure through. Next was the leopard crawl, everyone was alr very tired. Going on to the last rope action, I climbed for a consecutive 3 times, to help cover up for the rest. Finger cut again and bleeding but there is no time to care. It is abt endurance. MIND OVER BODY. A great challenge, I learnt to help one another. Moving tgt as one, and not giving up on them.

DAY 3
It's running again in the morning. 2.4km. But this time, it is about running in a group, keeping the same pace, and moving on as a team. We push each other on, cheer and endure. But the timing was not acceptable. Then we had to run again. In the first race, I was at the back pushing. But the second one, I stood at the front to lead. I wanted very much to reach the timing. Sometimes the gap widen up, and we have to slow down again. Then Ita was feeling unwell and wanted to fall out. We dragged her, pulled her along and told her to endure. It was then we knw the timing is no longer important. We all weren't thinking abt the timing, we just want to complete the race. Or i should say complete the race together. Leave no man behind, it is either we stop all tgt or we succeed tgt. And of course we completed!

Next was a triage. Everyone knew it was a triage, so many went to volunteer in hope of being the casualty. I sat there. I wanted to be part of the triage. I wanted to take on a role. I'm really really scared. I might not know what to do. But I knw I have to learn. But unfortunately, I'm the casualty again.

Had a long relfection time whereby we have to answer many different questions and then sharing it with some of the members in the group. For my life story, I talk abt the happy times I had with this batch of competition teams. Being their advisor, I really enjoyed coming down for their training and see their enthusiasm. I shared abt how satisfying i felt when i see them improving, when they came for training despite busy schedule, when they thank me after the competition. I wanted to say BUT IN ANCO.... but but I didnt have the courage to say out... ... The sorry letter was a very embarrassing one but I really meant those words. I will improve! A great sharing session I must say, let me get to knw more abt others and even to the extent of changing my opinions on some of them.

C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G SONG CAMPFIRE!!!
It is campfire time, a time to relax and enjoy. Great performance from everyone despite only a week's time to prepare. Everyone was very very high and running around like crazy, screaming and shouting. WELL DONE HOTEL for the dance! And also, GOOD JOB for campfire committee! Little time to plan and they have done it. Hiccups did happen during the programme, but objectives are met so I guess it's alright. It is okay to feel sad, just ask yourself if you have done your best. Be sad on that day but never again. Learn and improve. Jiayou Chang Yu, good job done!

DAY 4
Last day of the camp! woke up at 2 plus for route march. 16km! What a great challenge i must say. To endure through so many hours of walking and cheering and pushing each other to the finishing line!

IT was really scary! The atmosphere was very tense. It was very dark. I felt very very nervous, not knowing what might be inside. I dare not open. I dunno why but I sort of expected. And I was right. I almost cried. I look at it. Many thoughts, many secnes, all appearing in my mind. I thought abt my cadets, my seniors, my zone officers, my zone mates, my fellow otc mates. I dunno what to say. Once again, I thought abt ancoc. I'm lost again. Lost in the dark place. I can't seem to find the light.

After the tiring run was our presentation of rank - OCT! Once again, I embarrassed myself again, guess I was too tired.

Lastly, it was the reading out of our thoughts to the CO. I listened to what others said and and I almost cried. I dunno why. Maybe it's me, I'm weird. I put myself in his shoes. And then I thought again of why I came to OTC. I thought abt why I continue to help out. I guess it is the same for most ppl. The day that everyone is waiting for. For someone to appreciate. And yes, this camp we learnt a lot, we really respect and appreciate all that he has done. I want to be like him. Like I always said, it is very very satisfying to see your cadets learning. It is also great to just hear a thank you from them. Its a good feeling when they appreciate you. It tells you that all your efforts are worth it. Sometimes you feel like quitting, sometimes you can't find a purpose to continue. But to me, that's the purpose. That's what I want to achieve one day.

Life is abt learning. In my opinion, it is very true for my sjab life. It is abt both directions of learning. I learn when I was a cadet, when I was an nco, now even when I'm going to be an officer, it is still abt learning. But right now, there is an addition. It is abt helping my cadets to learn. It is abt passing on what I learn to them. Learning is important.

My journey started in the camp. The camp may have ended, but it will always stay in my memories. And for me, my journey has not ended in the camp. There is still a long way and much more to come. But this time I have my cadets in my journey, I will walk with them and push them on.

My journey continues ... ...